My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
