If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
