TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
