so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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