would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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