all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
