Soap is not a condiment
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
