I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
