How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
