im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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