he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
