I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
