Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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