i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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