Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
