The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
