Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
