I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
