So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
