i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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