Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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