I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
