i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
