my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
