New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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