I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
