Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
