i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
