whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
