please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
