I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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