you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
