There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
cat food counts as protein by the way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
