Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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