JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
