hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
