So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
