don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
