Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
