I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
