the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
