I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize