dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
