Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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