I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
