I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
