Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
