Soap is not a condiment
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
