when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
