i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
