We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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