if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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