Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
