Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
