DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
