i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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