Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
