Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
