Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
