so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
tell me about the eggs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
