I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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