Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
