My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
