Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
