would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
