Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
