Can i not drive my cunt home
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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