so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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