Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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