If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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