feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
