Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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