I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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