Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
