Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
